David Spade Explains Why Men Cheat – Re-Animated

, , 8 Comments


– Tiger Woods has a new chick. I didn’t think a chick would
fall for, I don’t know, maybe I’m… It’s a bit of baggage. (audience laughing) And the girl, Lindsey Vonn, who’s like a sexy skier, and she’s gotta sell that to her
friends. That’s a tough sell. “Well, I found Mr. Right, he’s
my rock, he’s my guy, 143,” And they’re like, “Who?” She’s like, “Tiger.” They’re like, “What? “Tiger, Tiger Woods?” “Yeah, it’s either Tiger
Woods or an actual tiger, all right?
(tiger growling) “There’s not a lot of…” They’re like, “You know
what they say, Lindsey. “Once a cheater, they
change overnight, good call. “Go with your gut. “Go with your hunch on
this one, smart move.” (audience laughing) ‘Cause, you know, this guy
had what, 27 mistresses? And these are the ones we heard
about. There’s gotta be one or two
that don’t wanna go on CNN and proclaim to the world
they’re a total whore. You know, one or two. (audience laughing) So let’s round it up to 30. I don’t like the mid-level ones,
like 16, comes out on a slow news day. “Tiger whacked off on my feet.” (audience laughing) Really? Well that doesn’t make you
look too great either, honey, so why don’t you step
back into the woodwork. Why are you volunteering this? Is this what you want on your
Google the rest of your life, honestly? “Hey, I googled your mom.” “No. “Why would you do that?” “Hmm, I guess her and Tiger,
hmmm?” “Well, they were in love.” “Oh yeah, I didn’t read that
part.” (audience laughing) Poor Lindsey Vonn, she’s
just, like, on his ass. She’s gotta be. You see ’em at the Masters, she’s on the putting green with
him. “Hey, babe. “This one’s a tough one, rawr. “It’s gonna break right. “I’m not one of those clingy
girls, “I just wanna make sure you’re
not actively fucking a girl “right now during the
tournament. “I’ll worry about tonight later. “And I’ll be way back
here by the sand trap, “you won’t even know I’m here. “Shh, putt this one.” And she’s like in school
when you have that koala bear you stick on your pencil like
this. (audience laughing) “Lindsey, give me some room, I’m
chipping. “Pinch her back.” “Grr, where are we having
dinner?” (pencil whipping) (thudding) ‘Cause guys cheat, and it sucks. And guys say, “Oh, you know…” And girls are always like, “Oh
my god, “his wife is so pretty.” It doesn’t even matter,
that’s the problem. It’s like that old saying, “You can’t have filet mignon
every night.” It’s true. Once in a while you wanna
hamburger from Wendy’s. That’s sorta true, right? You want a greasy, dirty,
whorey, slutty cheeseburger from Wendy’s
with mayo all over her face. Honestly, just once in awhile. And then when you finish,
you crumple up the bag and you feel guilty and drive
home. (audience laughing) And about twice a year you want
a hotdog, but you don’t tell anyone. (boinging) (splatting) (jazzy music)

 

8 Responses

  1. hanshuber456

    December 4, 2019 11:26 pm

    I respectfully would like to say that the animations are annoying to me. They distract from the comedy and performance.

    Reply

Leave a Reply